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The True Cost Of Trying To Be A Perfect Mom

2/14/2018

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“Realize that some moms won’t ask for help because they don’t want to seem less than the supermom they hope to be.”
                                                                                   -Dr. Sears
“Why did nobody tell me about this?” was the question I often asked myself when I woke up in the middle of the night to nurse my firstborn, wondering if I had peed the bed and realizing my breasts were leaking all over. I wish I had a clean shirt right next to bed. I wish I had a water bottler within reach. I wish I had a waterproof cover on my mattress. I wish I knew why my baby was crying. And all of the sudden I was furiously hungry at 3 am and the weight of it all was quite overwhelming.
 
Why didn’t I know these things?
We just don’t know what we don’t know.
 
HOW HARD CAN IT REALLY BE?
When I talk to pregnant people about postpartum and they look at me with disbelief at the thought of asking friends and family for help, I totally get it.
I was there too. It wasn’t until AFTER the birth of my first baby that I picked up a book about postpartum and I found myself thinking, “Darn, I should have read this BEFORE the baby was born.” Well, too late. I wasn’t prepared at all.
 
You might be wondering, what kind of preparation do people actually need? Does this really apply to me? A pregnant woman asked me recently: “Will I really not be able to get up from bed and make myself a sandwich? Is it really that bad?”
 
Honestly, if you don’t have any major complications during birth the answer is: most likely, yes. You will probably be able to physically get up from bed and make yourself a sandwich. You might even be able to make yourself a fancy sandwich or a more complex meal. I have seen people do very difficult things in the first few weeks after birth. But the real question here is… At what cost? And why?

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    Marissa Rivera Bolaños is a doula and visual artist with a passion to create change around the way our culture approaches women's health.

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  • ABOUT
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