THE BIRTH OF DEMITRI ON CHRISTMAS EVE

All photos by Marissa Bolaños, Womb Revolution Photography
Marissa's note: Today I have the honor of sharing with you Ember's birth story. When I was pregnant with my first, positive birth stories were a huge part of my birth preparation. Ember also read many positive birth stories during their pregnancy and now they want to share theirs with you. Enjoy!

On Friday afternoon, December 22, I had a phone conversation with Gretchen the astrologist. She predicted I would go into labor that night or within a day or two and told me to stay home, don't go anywhere. I started to feel rushes of energy in my body, which felt so foreign compared to the exhaustion of late pregnancy. My senses heightened and I started to feel like I was on acid. 

I went for a walk with Usnea and talked with my mom on the phone. She reminded me that my body knows exactly what to do. The air was cold and dry and refreshing, the moon a waxing crescent. I had experienced a couple contractions throughout the day, but they were so gentle I wasn't sure exactly what they were. 

I made some dinner and then Ari came home from work. As soon as I saw him I felt full of overwhelming desire, our bodies melted together all at once. For most of my pregnancy, sex felt awkward and uncomfortable. I was usually in too much discomfort to feel completely present. But that night I was able to surrender to our bodies and just be present to all of our love and desire for each other. I could feel that our lives were about to change forever. 

Almost immediately after making love with each other, my contractions became louder and regular, every 3 to 6 minutes apart, although they still weren't very painful. I called Marissa and she told us to get sleep and conserve our energy, but I thought labor was going to be fast, so we stayed up until 1 in the morning getting the house organized and cleaning up. By the time I tried to get to sleep, I was too excited and the contractions were too distracting. I finally got to sleep around 4 or 5. We woke up early, around 8 or 9, not enough sleep! I was just too excited to finally meet our baby. I did some yoga and meditated and resolved to meet labor with patience, gratitude, strength, determination, to give up control, to refuse negative thoughts as much as possible.

We went to Rachel's office, she did some tests on how baby was reacting to contractions and checked my cervix. I was only 1 cm dilated so she put her finger on my cervix and it opened to 3 cm. Mullein and Evelyn came over and brought some food and we all ate together. Ari and I tried to nap and get rest but it was pretty difficult to get any sleep. We started watching the Lion King and crying about our dads and how difficult parent relationships can be and then contractions really started getting more intense. 

Marissa came over, at this point, it was probably around 4 or 5. I lit candles and put on a playlist of all my favorite songs. Ari and Marissa started to fill the horse trough, which took hours of boiling water on the stove, running the pots back and forth. They would take turns squeezing my hips, massaging my back. Marissa kept reminding me to make horse lips exhalations which was so helpful for staying grounded in my breath. I thought for sure we were going to meet Demitri that night. I was starting to get really tired. Marissa collected a bowl full of dirt for me to smell, and she put on a lavender diffuser. I felt very comforted and safe, so grateful for the presence of Ari and Marissa. I felt so comfortable with them that it was hard to think about anyone else entering the space we had created. ​

Rachael and Aurora came over around 11 at night when contractions were getting to be 2 or 3 minutes apart and more painful. Even though I trust both of them, I felt my body tense up to have so many people in the room, and my contractions immediately slowed down. Rachael checked my cervix again and it was only at 4 cm. 

Even though Marissa had reminded me not to focus on numbers, I felt so disappointed because of how tired I was getting, I didn't know how much more I would be able to handle. 
Rachael offered a tincture to help speed up labor and I decided to take it. The tincture didn't seem to have an effect, and around 3 or 4 in the morning, everyone was getting really tired and they suggested I try to get some sleep. I was feeling frustrated because in my head I was like, how am I supposed to get any sleep?? 
I just thought the contractions were still too intense to allow for rest. But I curled up on the couch, Ari on the floor next to me, and by some miracle, the contractions subsided enough for us to get about 3 or 4 hours of sleep.

In the morning, contractions started hard and fast. I drank a little bit of a smoothie but felt like I could barely eat anything. Marissa came over and suggested we take a walk. I hadn't wanted to because of my knee still hurting, but a short walk seemed important. When a contraction came on, I would hold on to Ari and Marissa would squeeze my hips. 

They made such a good team with each other. Right after we walked past Obsidian's house, I felt my water start to break (Obsidian later told me that they had gotten their period right around the time that I had texted them about my water breaking!) We got back home and I watched it slowly trickle into the toilet for a while. Then I stood naked in the living room, leaning over the trough, letting the fluid drip onto pads under my feet. There were chunks of vernix in the fluid and it made everything feel very imminent. 

Rachael and Aurora came over. Rachael checked me again, I was at 6 cm, but the water was still unbroken under baby's head-- I guess it had just been leaking from the top of the womb. So Rachael popped it, which was a huge relief, and then everything started to happen very fast. I got in the tub. 

Contractions were getting very intense but I just breathed through them. Ari used a yogurt cup to pour water over my shoulders, which is something my mom would do during bath time, and it was extremely comforting. I was sweating a lot and someone kept wiping my face with a cold washcloth and that also reminded me of how mommy would do that when I had a fever. Marissa played the didgeridoo and the low notes kept me away from fear. 

I knew it was time to start pushing before anyone told me, I could just feel it in my body. My legs were shaking and I pushed them into Ari's hands. Soon after I started pushing, a thick snow began to fall outside. It was so beautiful and filled me with hope, confidence, and a sense of calmness, even though I still didn't understand how a baby was going to fit coming out of me.

“Soon after I started pushing, a thick snow began to fall outside. It was so beautiful and filled me with hope, confidence, and a sense of calmness, even though I still didn't understand how a baby was going to fit coming out of me.”

I panted and could feel myself uncontrollably making a freaky face that I can only compare to the grin of a frightened chimp. My body began the pushes on its own, but I had control to make them stronger if I wanted to. I reached inside myself and could feel the top of their head, all the squished wrinkled skin. It felt like they were so close but still impossibly far away. I began to see my grandma Ethel at the foot of the tub, guiding me from the spirit world, reassuring me that I could do it. I stared into Ari's eyes and felt the most powerful connection I had ever felt before, with anyone. " I love you,"I managed to say even though words seemed impossible, and I felt those words give us both strength. Ari rubbed my ankles and kept pushing against my feet even when I could tell he was getting exhausted. 

Suddenly Demitri's heart rate started to drop dramatically, I could see the fear in Rachael's eyes although she remained confident and supportive the entire time. She told me I really had to push them out now. I gave it everything I had but they still weren't making it past a certain point. Then everything got very fast and urgent, Rachael told me to get on my hands and knees, I pushed so hard it felt like every hole was tearing open, I roared like a beautiful animal, and out they came, and Rachael said, "reach down and catch your baby, Ember," I held them to my chest and they immediately opened their eyes and stared at me. I felt like everything suddenly made sense, here was someone I had been searching for my whole life. Our perfect baby Demitri, born with the first snow, on Christmas Eve.