WOMB REVOLUTION
  • ABOUT
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Photography and Video
    • Child Birth Education
  • Contact
  • FAQ
    • Resources
  • Blog

Does your baby's sleep make you a better parent?

8/3/2017

5 Comments

 
Picture
YOUR BABY IS NOT A BLANK SLATE
One of the biggest mistakes that we make as parents is thinking that everything our children do, positive or negative, is a reflection of who we are.
 
It’s hard to become a parent. We have to give so much! Our own identities often become diluted as we pour every bit of ourselves into caring for our children. So when people say, “he is such a good baby,” “she is so sweet,” “they are so smart!” our chests swell with pride. Those comments can feel like an affirmation on the worthiness of our hard work as parents, which so often goes without recognition in nowadays individualistic culture.
 
Equally, if someone turns their nose to our kid, criticizes their manners, temper or behavior, it feels like a punch in the gut. For many of us, it’s easy to internalize that judgment (imagined or not) and start labeling our children and ourselves negatively (even if it’s a joke). Hot mess mom. Bad mom. Difficult child. Etc.
Picture
The truth is, ever since they are babies; children have their very own personalities. Of course, their surroundings, culture, environment and family influence and shape that personality, but some babies are simply more likely to want to be held all the time, for instance, or to wake more easily from sleep.
 
SO WHAT’S UP WITH THE GOOD BABY?
That’s why it particularly bothers me to hear people ask: “Is he a good baby? Does he sleep for you?”
 
Many parents with wonderful, brilliant, sensitive children are made to feel like their babies are not good, or at least not as good as they should be, because they need tons of help to go (and to stay) asleep. But guess what? That’s normal!
“Many parents with wonderful, brilliant, sensitive children are made to feel like their babies are not good, or at least not as good as they should be, because they need tons of help to go (and to stay) asleep.”
So where does this idea come from? Well, some babies are very easy going and they have an easier time with sleep.
 
Do you want to read my confession? I have one of those easy-going babies. At two months old, Mattias spent at least two weeks sleeping for stretches of 6 hours or more during the night. Our pediatrician told me that only one out of thirty babies would sleep through the night at that age. If he had been my first baby and I didn’t know any better, I would probably had be bragging about it at least a little bit. And other parents would wonder what in the world they are doing wrong because their babies wake every hour or two.
 
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY
So yeah, you might hear stories like the one about two-month-old Mattias drifting into sweet sleep all night long. But you know what you don’t get to hear as often? The follow-up. Like how now, at three months old, we moved into a new apartment and for the last week Mattias has been waking several times a night like a normal baby, wanting to be reassured. Like how even when I get 8 hours of sleep I often still feel exhausted and drained (emotional labor and the mental load are so real!) Like how even though I might look confident in my choices, I often doubt myself and hope silently that I’m not ruining my kids’ life. Like how just as you finally start getting used to a routine, the rhythm changes again (hello sleep regressions and growth spurts!)
 
Every child’s sleep will evolve differently. Some breastfed babies want to be latched all night long. Some babies will only stay asleep if they are lying on top of you. Some kids will have medical issues or food intolerances, which will make sleep even more difficult. Some babies will have an easier time self-settling or sleeping through tons of noise.  None of those things make you a better or a worse parent. And none of it is permanent.
 
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A NIGHTMARE
Like everything else in life, you don’t get to control what kind of personality your child will have, but you do get to control how you react to it. And that’s where you can step in and empower yourself, grounded in perspective, to go from survival to thriving.
“You don’t get to control what kind of personality your child will have, but you do get to control how you react to it. And that’s where you can step in and empower yourself.”
  • You can create a good sleep environment that promotes better rest for both you and your baby.
  • You can help your baby learn many positive sleep associations with more than one care provider.
  • You can learn about the sleep tools and comfort measures that work best for your baby.
  • You can teach your baby to trust that you will respond the best way you can when they need you.
  • You can make time for self-care, knowing that your sanity and rest are important and that you will be a better parent if you stop putting yourself at the bottom of the priority list.
  • You can learn about what’s happening with your baby’s development and when to expect tricky times.

All these things (and more!) are covered in our upcoming Infant Sleep Education classes, check the calendar and get tickets here. 
Arming yourself with awesome evidence-based information about biologically normal infant sleep might not make your baby sleep like you wish they did, but it does help you set realistic expectations and learn to make bedtime into an opportunity for connection. And connection is what we all need the most.
Picture
5 Comments
Ashley link
8/3/2017 04:29:52 pm

It's so true that every child is individual. I have a terrible sleeper, and if I could hit the "re-do" button I would definitely get more people involved in putting her to sleep. Great advice!

Reply
Giovanna Aiello link
8/3/2017 05:51:45 pm

I really love this article !! I can really relate and i don't think a lot of parents realize that these sleep situations are not permanent and our babies go through so many changes ! This is a great reminder , that we are all doing the best we can and its one day at a time !

Reply
Toni link
8/4/2017 06:36:46 am

this was a breath of fresh air for me to read. So often we forget about our children's uniqueness in order to conform to whatever the latest parenting or sleep trends are. This was a great reminder that our children are beautiful creatures with their own unique personalities, and the only thing we can do is accommodate our expectations around their infant sleep patterns. Thanks for this Marissa!

Reply
Margaret Flietstra link
8/8/2017 05:57:23 pm

Marissa-- thank you! So affirming without being patronizing. This post so beautifully sums up what has taken over four years of parenting (and on into the third pregnancy) to learn, and more importantly, to accept. It's all about expectations! Unfortunately, there are so few voices in our culture teaching us how to set them realistically!

Reply
Rhondda Smiley link
8/28/2017 10:21:40 pm

Amen! Nighttime has got to be THE hardest part of this gig for everybody. And I know I often made it so much harder for myself than it needed to be, because I had unrealistic expectations - of my baby, and of myself. Understanding what was normal and developmentally appropriate for my daughter's age would have gone a long way to helping me find solutions that helped everyone in our house get the best rest possible. Education is so key!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Marissa Rivera Bolaños is a doula and visual artist with a passion to create change around the way our culture approaches women's health.

    Tips for Fearless Birth
    FREE EBOOK!

    Archives

    January 2021
    July 2020
    June 2020
    October 2019
    July 2019
    February 2019
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015

    Categories

    All
    Baby Care
    Birth Photography
    Birth Stories
    Body Literacy
    Breastfeeding
    Childbirth
    Community Building
    Dancing For Birth
    Fertility Awarenss
    Film Review
    For Doulas
    Guest Blogger
    Herbal Health
    Hiking
    Hula Hooping
    Menstruation
    Midwifery
    Nature
    Nutrition
    Parenting
    Personal
    Postnatal Fitness
    Postpartum
    Pregnancy
    Prenatal Classes
    Prenatal Fitness
    Products
    Recipes
    Self Care
    Self-care
    Sleep
    Travel
    Women's Empowerment

Location

OLYMPIA, WA

Contact Us

​MARISSA BOLAÑOS
(360) 972 1863

​
marissa@wombrevolution.com
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER

SERVING

Olympia, WA and Surrounding Areas
  • ABOUT
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Photography and Video
    • Child Birth Education
  • Contact
  • FAQ
    • Resources
  • Blog