Blog Posts

4 awesome things I love about charting my menstrual cycles

4/20/2018

-By Michele Drake

I have spent the last few years passionately listening to women talk about their health, and a few trends have become apparent. One of the most startling, but also most common, stories I hear is about people being invalidated by their doctors or healthcare providers (see my blog post about informed consent). This is infuriating for many reasons, but mostly because no one knows your body better than you. You should be your #1 resource in your own healthcare. For me, this means being observant and curious about my own body.

“You should be your #1 resource in your own healthcare. For me, this means being observant and curious about my own body.”

The symptothermal method is a Fertility Awareness Method which requires tracking cycle days, basal body temperature (BBT), and cervical fluid observations. When you learn to observe and record these fertility signs, you will be able to clearly see how long your cycles are, if and when you ovulate, and determine whether or not you are fertile. To clarify, fertility is a measure of health- whether or not you are trying to conceive. Healthy bodies are fertile bodies, so even if you choose not to reproduce, you should still be working toward a healthy, ovulating body.

Below are my top 4 reasons for charting menstrual cycles (and none of them are for conception or contraception).

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4 powerful steps to make life as a parent easier

3/12/2018

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Guest Blog Post By Fehlya Ehrlander
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(Much of this post is taken from materials provided by the Simplicity Parenting training, led by Kim John Payne and Davina Muse.)

When Marissa invited me to do a guest post with tips for simplifying with a young child, I thought “Hmm, that could be great! …but hmm.“

As a Waldorf teacher I can think of tips that I used in the classroom, and some that I developed to work with specific children’s needs. Just the other day a friend and I laughed about one that we’ve heard can also work with adults: let’s call it the doubly-exaggerated story. When someone has a habit of telling tall tales, but isn’t ready to acknowledge it, try responding with an embellishment that’s twice as silly as the first. A sense of humor can help break the ice and show that having the “best" story isn’t to be taken too seriously.

But as a Simplicity Parenting coach, the truth is I am used to thinking more about the fundamentals. If Simplicity Parenting is getting back to basics, then it makes sense that the thought process behind it is basic too. It’s really about parents connecting to their own inner wisdom about what brings family joy. It offers a pathway to simplifying in four realms at home, which reduces stress on children and their caregivers, and allows room for connection, creativity, and relaxation, all of which lead to an easier day to day life!

“Simplicity Parenting is really about parents connecting to their own inner wisdom about what brings family joy.”

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The True Cost Of Trying To Be A Perfect Mom

2/14/2018

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“Realize that some moms won’t ask for help because they don’t want to seem less than the supermom they hope to be.”
-Dr. Sears

“Why did nobody tell me about this?” was the question I often asked myself when I woke up in the middle of the night to nurse my firstborn, wondering if I had peed the bed and realizing my breasts were leaking all over. I wish I had a clean shirt right next to bed. I wish I had a water bottler within reach. I wish I had a waterproof cover on my mattress. I wish I knew why my baby was crying. And all of the sudden I was furiously hungry at 3 am and the weight of it all was quite overwhelming.

Why didn’t I know these things?
We just don’t know what we don’t know.

HOW HARD CAN IT REALLY BE?
When I talk to pregnant people about postpartum and they look at me with disbelief at the thought of asking friends and family for help, I totally get it.
I was there too. It wasn’t until AFTER the birth of my first baby that I picked up a book about postpartum and I found myself thinking, “Darn, I should have read this BEFORE the baby was born.” Well, too late. I wasn’t prepared at all.

You might be wondering, what kind of preparation do people actually need? Does this really apply to me? A pregnant woman asked me recently: “Will I really not be able to get up from bed and make myself a sandwich? Is it really that bad?”

Honestly, if you don’t have any major complications during birth the answer is: most likely, yes. You will probably be able to physically get up from bed and make yourself a sandwich. You might even be able to make yourself a fancy sandwich or a more complex meal. I have seen people do very difficult things in the first few weeks after birth. But the real question here is… At what cost? And why?

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From Birth Choices To Amber Necklaces: When Everyone Has An Opinion

1/27/2018

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Guest post by Jenn Sanders.
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When I found I was pregnant, I was so excited to tell everyone I knew. My husband and I had been trying for a year, and I was starting to believe there was a problem. I even started wondering if I would ever have a baby. I went to my doctor with my concerns, had an ultrasound during ovulation, and then scheduled my husband to be tested. It was the very next month that I found out I was pregnant.
To go from fearing the worst of being infertile to finding out I was pregnant led to an amazing high. The relief was extraordinary.

THE DOES AND DON'TS BEGAN
Something happened after about a month. People started telling me what to do or what not to do. This came from family, friends, and co-workers. One day, I was sitting at my desk at work enjoying a nice beefy hamburger, and my co-worker said, “You shouldn’t eat that because you’ll be so devastated when you can't fit into your old jeans again.” I was shocked.

As I was developing my birth plan, I researched doulas and realized how awesome giving birth would be with one. My husband was onboard with it, and I was happy that I would have the support, encouragement and advice of someone who truly knew me, and cared about me and my baby. I also researched some other ways to have a baby, such as in water. What a magical experience to have your baby go from amniotic fluid inside the womb to warm water outside of it. What could be a more perfect transition? So, once I had my birth plan all laid out, I started telling people who asked.

Of course, I was met with opposition. Most of the people didn’t know how a doula helps, but they had their opinions about one. It infuriated me. I spoke to a mom friend who said that this is completely normal and will happen often in motherhood.
She was so right. As soon as I had McKayla, people were throwing advice at me left and right. Some of it was okay, but some of it seemed more like they were trying to tell me what I was doing was wrong.

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THE BIRTH OF DEMITRI ON CHRISTMAS EVE

1/8/2018

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All photos by Marissa Bolaños, Womb Revolution Photography
Marissa's note: Today I have the honor of sharing with you Ember's birth story. When I was pregnant with my first, positive birth stories were a huge part of my birth preparation. Ember also read many positive birth stories during their pregnancy and now they want to share theirs with you. Enjoy!

On Friday afternoon, December 22, I had a phone conversation with Gretchen the astrologist. She predicted I would go into labor that night or within a day or two and told me to stay home, don't go anywhere. I started to feel rushes of energy in my body, which felt so foreign compared to the exhaustion of late pregnancy. My senses heightened and I started to feel like I was on acid.

I went for a walk with Usnea and talked with my mom on the phone. She reminded me that my body knows exactly what to do. The air was cold and dry and refreshing, the moon a waxing crescent. I had experienced a couple contractions throughout the day, but they were so gentle I wasn't sure exactly what they were.

I made some dinner and then Ari came home from work. As soon as I saw him I felt full of overwhelming desire, our bodies melted together all at once. For most of my pregnancy, sex felt awkward and uncomfortable. I was usually in too much discomfort to feel completely present. But that night I was able to surrender to our bodies and just be present to all of our love and desire for each other. I could feel that our lives were about to change forever.

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Should your parents be invited to the delivery room?

12/31/2017

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After three years of attending births, one of the things I see pregnant people commonly stress out about is deciding whether or not they should have their parents or parents-in-law at the birth.

For some, the answer is clear: Either they would love to have their relatives at the birth or they feel absolutely confident on not having them around.

But for the ones who feel hesitant, how do you decide?
Here are 6 questions to consider when making a choice.

1. WHY?
Ask yourself why you are considering asking your relatives to join: Is it because their presence brings you comfort? Do you feel obligated? Do you want to be polite? Do you think they have “the right to be there”? Do they think they have the right to be there? Do you want to avoid confrontation? Are you afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? If their presence is not going to bring you comfort and you answered yes to any of the other questions, you might want to look into this issue a little deeper.

2. ARE THEY BRINGING FEARS OR NERVOUSNESS?
Childbirth is a deeply intimate experience and you need to be surrounded by people who trust the process wholeheartedly and who support your decisions 100%. If your relatives are bringing nervousness or fear into your space, their presence is not going to benefit you and therefore, not going to benefit your baby.

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This is what you deserve to know when choosing birth control

12/9/2017

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Guest blog post by Michele Drake.
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Disclaimer: This blog post is not intended to dissuade anyone from using hormonal birth control (as each person’s needs are unique), but rather to empower all people to make the best possible decisions they can for themselves.

My name is Michele Drake, and I am a reproductive health educator and advocate. I am particularly focused on female fertility and the menstrual cycle. I also work as a facilitator for an organization called The Fifth Vital Sign whose mission is to empower women with unbiased information about their bodies so that individuals can make the best possible choices about their health.

Photo by Kristen Renee Photography

One of my greatest concerns is a trend that I have observed in the stories that many women have shared with me: a lack of information and explanation that patients receive from their healthcare providers about their bodies, symptoms, medications, and procedures. I’ve heard countless stories of a woman’s pain being normalized, of concerns being mocked, and of women discovering, after the fact, that they truly didn’t understand the potential consequences of the medical intervention they consented to.

I was surprised to learn--at twenty-five-years-old--that my birth control implant works, in part, by suppressing ovulation. This may not seem significant, so let me elaborate. I had been using hormonal birth control for ten years, five of which were with the use of an implant. I am college educated and went to public school in New York State since kindergarten. Why did it take a decade of hormonal contraceptive use before I learned how and why it works? How had I missed this?

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This is how my babywearing passion started

10/3/2017

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INTERNATIONAL BABYWEARING WEEK
It’s International Babywearing Week, which has me thinking about how grateful I am for babywearing and the many ways it has made my life as a mother so much better. In our dear Olympia babywearing is quite popular, but it’s not so common in other places. When I was growing up in Mexico the only people I saw babywearing were the local indigenous tribe: Rarámuris. Nowadays the global ancient wisdom of carrying our babies is being popularized again and for a good reason: it’s a game-changer! So today I’m going to share with you my babywearing love story.

Young rarámuri girls wearing her sibling in my home state, Chihuahua, MX

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The Pride and Shame of Feeding a Baby

8/8/2017

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World Breastfeeding Week recently ended and I realized that although breastfeeding has been such an important thing for me as a mother and as a woman, I have never written anything about it in this blog. I don’t know at what point I started to think about it as a controversial topic and preferred to avoid it. The obsession with what "the best" is, can be a dangerous territory and it's hurting us.

FEEDING A BABY CAN BE A STRUGGLE
Some people who are very dear to my heart struggled with breastfeeding, one of them being my own mom. She nursed me for an incredibly painful month and a half and decided to stop when she found me spitting blood from her injured nipples.

She had absolutely no support. There were no lactation consultants she could talk to and her own family was very far away, on the other side of the country. She is, of course, not the only one who has been failed by a system that tells parents breastfeeding is best but gives them no tools to overcome the many challenges they might face.

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Does your baby's sleep make you a better parent?

8/3/2017

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YOUR BABY IS NOT A BLANK SLATE
One of the biggest mistakes that we make as parents is thinking that everything our children do, positive or negative, is a reflection of who we are.

It’s hard to become a parent. We have to give so much! Our own identities often become diluted as we pour every bit of ourselves into caring for our children. So when people say, “he is such a good baby,” “she is so sweet,” “they are so smart!” our chests swell with pride. Those comments can feel like an affirmation on the worthiness of our hard work as parents, which so often goes without recognition in nowadays individualistic culture.

Equally, if someone turns their nose to our kid, criticizes their manners, temper or behavior, it feels like a punch in the gut. For many of us, it’s easy to internalize that judgment (imagined or not) and start labeling our children and ourselves negatively (even if it’s a joke). Hot mess mom. Bad mom. Difficult child. Etc.

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